War With Myself

I wish to die but do I really mean it?

I ask God a million times but why am I still alive?

Do I really mean it?

To end this lifeless life but to unavail

I still struggle to find a way

I have forgotten how to pray

And yet still lives day by day

No more poems to write and essays

And then again I've known poems

Are not only rhymes of words

But a symphony of notes.

It is a song that goes without direction composed to hit all it's boundaries

Unstructured sentences yet full of movement and emotions.

Now that's what I call satisfaction, beautiful feelings of that leads to erection

Oh what a crazy person am I but why do I feel euphoria

I used to envy stupid people because they don't think to much

So they feel less than what weird people like me but I found something

Interesting, they won't ever had in their lifetime

That is being me a crazy person.

1:38 am

Some day in May 2019